Quick Jump to Erotic Tales Tales of decadence, debauchery, lust, passion, desire, seduction, etc. etc. etc. I think you get the idea. - Mild to Wild . . . .
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Tales of decadence, debauchery,
lust, passion, desire, seduction,
etc. etc. etc. I think you get the
idea. - Mild to Wild . . . . . . . .
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Sensual Sonnets
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facts, articles,
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Diary of a Lecherous Gentleman
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LeKnight at Bluewater | home
What Not to Say
Things NOT to say during Sex
But everybody looks funny naked!
You woke me up for that?
Did I mention the video camera?
Do you smell something burning?
(in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead…
Try breathing through your nose.
A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
But whipped cream makes me break out.
Person A: This is your first ... right?
Person B: Yeah…today
(In the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
Can you please pass me the remote control/
Do you accept Visa?
ZZZ---
On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
Hope you're as a good looking when I'm sober…
(Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
Do you get any premium movie channels?
Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
But I just brushed my teeth…
I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!
Why am I doing all the work?
Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
I think you have it on backwards.
When is this supposed to feel good?
You're good enough to do this for living!
Is that blood on the headboard?
Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
Did you tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
If you quit smoking you might have more endurance…
No, really… I do this part better myself!
It's nice being in bed with woman I don't have to inflate!
You're almost as good as my ex!
Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
You look younger than you feel.
Perhaps you're just out of practice.
You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
Now I know why he/she dumped you…
Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
What tampon?
And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
What are you planning to make for breakfast?
I have a confession…
I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
Are those real or am I just behind the times?
You'll still vote for me, won't you?
I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
Did you come yet, dear?
I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about…
A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
Does this count as a date?
Hic! I need another beer for this please.
I think biting is romantic- don't you?
Q: You can cook, right?
A: (Whaddaya think I'm doin'?)
When would you like to meet my parents?
Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like…
Sorry about the nametags, I'm not very good with names.
(in a phone booth) Do you mind if make a few phone calls?
Sorry but I don't do toes!
You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!
Keep it down , my mother is a light sleeper…
So that's why they call you MR. Flash!
My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
Is this a sin too?
I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!
Long kisses clog my sinuses…
Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise…
How long do you plan to be "almost there"?
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