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The Mechanics of Orgasm
But NEVER forget genuine Foreplay
Gazing at you, he places his hand on the back of your neck. Slowly, smoothly, the hand slides down your back, pulling you toward him. You kiss -- not just for a minute or two but for what feels like hours, moving from innocent explorations to passionate entanglement.
At least that's what used to happen when you and he set out to make love. Today, after five or ten years, you don't really need to work your way gradually toward the grand act of love. You know what works and what doesn't.
But even though you know the shortcuts to arousal, there are still good reasons why pre coital games, otherwise known as foreplay, are still so important. For any couple, good, extended foreplay, the kind that takes you back to those nights of discovery in the back seat of the car or out on the beach, adds an intensity and excitement to lovemaking that you may have assumed was gone for good. It is, quite simply, the sexiest thing you can do in bed. But before you can unearth the long-lost secret to great sex, you need to know where it's gone -- and why it got buried in the first place.
It is about energy flow not simple penetration . . . . .
Female sexual arousal and orgasm is a complex process involving the entire woman, mind and body. The human mind receives in sexual stimuli from the body, processes it, and based on past learning and experience causes the body to respond to it. The brain may start the sexual arousal process in response to thought (sexual fantasy), visual stimuli (seeing a partner nude), audible stimulation (hearing a partner's voice), olfactory stimuli (the smell of a partner's body), and taste (the taste of a partner's body). The body may start the arousal process as the result of a woman, or her partner, touching her genitals or breasts, the feel of air flowing across her exposed skin, or her cloths stimulating her breasts or genitals. The mind and body while able to experience sexual arousal separately, cannot experience orgasm separately. Orgasm requires both the mind and body to work together. Mental thought alone may result in orgasm, but you still feel the orgasm in your body. All the sexual stimulation and arousal may originate in one or the other, but orgasm takes place in both.
Rhythmic muscle contractions occur in the outer third of the vagina, the uterus, and anus. The first muscle contractions are the most intense, and occur at a rate of a little more than 1 per second (0.8 seconds). As the orgasm continues, the contractions become less intense and occur at a more random rate. A mild orgasm may have 3-5 contractions, an intense one 10-15.
The "sex flush" becomes even more pronounced and may cover a greater percentage of the body.
Muscles throughout the body may contract during orgasm, not just those in the pelvic area.
Orgasm also takes place in the brain, as indicated by monitoring brain waves.
Some women will emit or spray some fluid from their urethra during orgasm. This is often called female ejaculation. While the jury is still out on whether it is urine or female ejaculate that is expelled, the source of the fluid is not of great importance, women often report very strong orgasms when it occurs. That should be all that really matters, women's pleasure. No one questions male ejaculation, even if it too is messy.
Myotonia may be evident throughout the body, especially in the face, hands, and feet. A woman's facial expression may indicate that she is in pain when she is having a pleasurable orgasm.
At the peak of orgasm the entire body may become momentarily rigid.
Women who have never experienced orgasm, and women who are not sure if they have, often ask, "What does an orgasm feel like?" This is a hard, if not impossible, question to answer.  Imagine trying to explain to someone what it feels like to sneeze or yawn. Not easy to do. How our senses and brain interpret physical stimuli is subjective, that is depended solely on the individual's perceptions. While we can measure the physical stimuli, we cannot measure how a person perceives it. Even if a woman is connected to monitoring equipment when she experiences 15 strong orgasmic contractions over a 10 second period of time, how do we know she experienced it more intensely than another woman who only has a 5 contraction orgasm lasting 4 seconds? The woman having the ten-second orgasm may be wondering why her orgasms are so weak! If a woman has experienced some form of nerve damage, she may not be able to tell if she has had an orgasm or not.
While all orgasms are organically the same, varying only in strength and length, a woman may not experience them all the same. How a woman experiences an orgasm during masturbation is usually totally different than how she experiences it during partner sex. In fact, women often report their most "satisfying" orgasms occur during masturbation, perhaps because they are the center of attention, and not worrying about or distracted by a partner. A woman may experience an orgasm totally differently if her vagina is empty than when a penis or hand is inserted. She may be more aware of her vaginal contractions when her vagina has something to clamp down on, or when it is empty and contracts on itself. Women experience total body orgasms, clitoral orgasms, vaginal orgasms, and uterine orgasms.
If sexual stimulation continues, a woman may experience one or more additional orgasms.
The vaginas, and vaginal opening, return to their normal relaxed state.
The breasts, labia, clitoris, and uterus return to their normal size, position, and color.
The clitoris and nipples may be so sensitive that any stimulation may be uncomfortable.
The "sex flush" disappears.
There may be heavy sweating, and breathing.
The heart may beat rapidly.
If orgasm does not occur, a woman will still experience most of what is listed above, but at a much slower rate. The blood trapped in the pelvic organs, not having been dissipated by orgasmic muscle contractions, may result in a feeling of heaviness, and pelvic discomfort.
Is orgasm necessary for female sexual happiness? While it is true that there are millions of women who have lived happy and fulfilling lives having never experienced an orgasm, their lives probably would have been more enjoyable if they had. Orgasm is a normal bodily function. If a woman does not experience orgasm, she may find herself feelings very uncomfortable after sex, because of the excess blood trapped in her pelvic organs. Some report, women develop back pains and other health problems as a result of this unreleased sexual tension. Doctors in the past used vibrators to bring female patients to orgasm as a means of treating female health problems. While orgasm is not necessary for female happiness, it does make life more enjoyable.
For women who are pre-orgasmic, and for those who experience orgasm only with great difficulty, achieving a balance between their desire for orgasm and their sexual happiness can be a challenge. Lets face it, there is a lot of social pressure on women to have orgasms these days. The mass media is full of references to the joys of orgasm. Women want to experience orgasm not only for their own benefit, but to make their partner happy and to be like their peers. To a certain extent, orgasm has become a chore, versus a simple pleasure, for some women. When women try too hard to achieve orgasm, sex becomes unpleasant and frustrating, for them and their partner. You cannot force yourself, or a partner, to experience orgasm. If you become too preoccupied with the mechanics of orgasm, you can loose out on the intimacy of sex.
Faking orgasm is definitely a bad idea. What starts out as a means of saving face in front of a new partner, and as a means of giving a partner a morale boost, usually ends up being a permanent way of life. Women tend to blame themselves for everything that goes wrong in a relationship, so their inability to orgasm is their own fault, so they pay the price. Women are afraid to tell their partner they have been faking orgasm because it will upset them, so they do not. When you have faked orgasm, and decide to tell your partner, you have to admit not only to not having had orgasms, but you must admit to lying to your partner, to hiding something from them, and to fooling them. Women who fake orgasm face becoming so frustrated by their inability to orgasm, and their partners lack of skill, that they soon find themselves avoiding sex altogether. When a woman experiences an orgasm, real or faked, she is indicating to her partner that they have done a good job, that they do not need to do anything differently next time. A woman who fakes orgasm is telling her partner that they do not need to change their sexual technique, which is totally opposite of what she should be telling them.
When the majority, fifty-five percent, of women admits to doing something they are not supposed to be doing, that is fake orgasm, it indicates a serious problem. In this case, the problem is that society is leading women to believe they should always have an orgasm during partner sex, and that there are negative consequences when they do not. An orgasm is no longer just an orgasm. Orgasm has become the benchmark by which we measure the quality of our sexuality and even our social standing within our community. Society leads us to believe "normal" women always have orgasms, and their “caring partner” always stimulates them to orgasm. We use to ignore female orgasm; today we perhaps place too much emphasis on it. It is important for women to realize this is a social problem, not a personal one. No woman is going to have an orgasm every time she engages in partner sex or masturbation. This is just the way it is. Making orgasm the sole goal of sex can actually make sex less enjoyable and even boring, if not extremely frustrating. If you want to experience intense and prolonged sexual pleasure, try not having an orgasm.
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